Merry Christmas! Thank you Jesus for my... Suffering?

In this last week of being home I have seemed to come across a few common themes while visiting my home Church in Colorado and the book I have been reading, The Life You’ve Always Wanted, by John Ortberg. The themes: suffering and perseverance.

On Sunday, Pastor Jim spoke from Luke 2:25-35. Simeon, a faithful and devoted servant of God, spoke of Jesus’ reign to come, “This child is destined to cause the falling and the rising of many in Israel, and to be a sign that will be spoken against, so that the thoughts of many hearts will be revealed. And a sword will pierce your own soul too.”

In the spirit of Christmas we celebrate all that Christ means to us, but has it ever crossed your mind to thank Jesus for our suffering, especially on Christmas? As much as I hate struggling, suffering, and falling, I would be missing an important part of what Christ has done for me. So during this Christmas season, I have been challenged to be thankful for all that I have suffered and learned… Merry Christmas? I would say so! While I would never wish to suffer, or fall, I may never have to suffer again in the same way because I have persevered and matured. So in the spirit of Christmas, be thankful for all that you have learned through suffering and persevering.

What does it mean to rise and fall? Jesus came, and he challenged the way viewed God. His life was the perfect example of rising, falling, and rising again (both metaphorically and literally). Though he has given us grace and truth, and calling us to much more in life than our own wants and needs, it is by no means an easy calling. When Christ came to give us “life to the fullest”, we were given the opportunity to rise and fall.

I’ve come to understand that falling is inevitable, and as Pastor Jim put, “You have to fall in order to rise”. Life, and life in Christ, will present many challenges and struggles. Whether they be physical, mental, professional, spiritual, relational, or financial, suffering allows us a most precious opportunity to learn. Falling can take many shapes, but I also believe falling challenges our faith to mature much faster than we would be willing when life is easy, as found in James 1:2-4.

In my most recent reading, John Ortberg makes a very good point about suffering.

“Suffering alone does not produce perseverance, only suffering that is endured somehow in faith…”

When we make the wholehearted effort to pursue God, we will suffer; but it is only suffering endured through faith in His will for us can we really persevere. Otherwise we are just surviving, not persevering. When we struggle, our hearts are revealed as Simeon stated in Luke 2. I don’t want survive; I want to persevere. I wish I could say that has always been the case, but I am grateful for the challenge to suffer in new ways and with a new heart.

Are we going to show faithfulness to God when times get tough, or only when things are good and easy? Are we willing to let God work through our struggles, or do we want to hold onto our own hopes and dreams and not trust that what God has for us is so much more than we could ever hope and dream? I hope so, and I think God is faithful and will send us the encouragement we need to endure the suffering and see Him work mightily in us and through us.

Christ came and suffered for us, more than we will ever be able to fully understand. In his coming we have been given the same great honor, to rise and fall, and hopefully transform into the great tool he intended us to be… Merry Christmas, may you fall and rise, may you suffer and persevere, and may you be mature and complete, lacking nothing.

To be, or not to be... Intentional

I grabbed a book off my bookshelf before I left for Thanksgiving break, The Life You’ve Always Wanted by John Ortberg, I’ve had this book for years but have never made it past chapter one (may not have gotten past page one). Even though it was given to me by my friends in University Ministries I have always looked at the title and couldn’t help thinking that this was totally going to be a “self help” book, and would continue putting it aside for when my “self” needed a little more “help”.

What is that saying… “Never judge a ‘self help’ book on spiritual disciplines by its cover”? I think that’s it.

While I’ve had every intention of getting through all of the books given to me by respected friends, I’ve had this one for nearly four years. I wouldn’t even necessarily say that I’m in the “self help” mindset, I just so happened to have lent another book I was reading to friend who I thought might be inspired by it, and now I was stuck with a short break from school, and no book. Time for a little dose of “self help” I guess…

Regardless of the reasons causing me to start this book, I’ve been challenged to think about some of the early points that this book has presented. Specifically, the one that caught my attention the most, how is my spiritual health or how would I describe my spiritual life?

What defines our spiritual life? When someone asks, “How is your spiritual life?” what is the first thing that you think? Is it a list of acts or spiritual disciplines that we have or have not done recently? Maybe we just regurgitate something that we had recently read in a book, or even the Bible… but do these phrases, actions, or even inactions, truly describe the state of my spiritual life?

If you aren’t sure what actions I am referring to, let me offer a brief list: quite time, reading the Bible daily, going to church, skipping church, journaling (daily, weekly, or however often), praying… these are all things that I should do if I want to be closer to Jesus, but by saying that I do these things can I truly describe how my spiritual life is doing? Don’t get me wrong, all of these are important spiritual disciplines, but I have found that I can do all of these things and still lose sight of God. When my heart is not behind each action, I just begin to walk through the motions, hoping that these things I do will tell everyone else that I am spiritually on my game.

My most recent understanding of my spiritual life looks something like this: Instead of showing everyone how big my spiritual-daily-to-do-list is, and flexing my spiritual biceps (and essentially feeding my spiritual ego)… it is the way I interact with others, what I’ve learned from trying to complete that lengthy to-do list, or even things that I currently struggle with, that should best represent my spiritual life… If anyone is like me, we easily look past the purpose of what we are doing, and begin to just do it… That’s when these ever so important spiritual disciplines turn into a checklist.

Read my bible… check.

Prayed… check.

Prayed longer than yesterday… check!

Journaled… check.

Went to church… check.

Fellowship with both believers and non-believers… check.

Did all of this with the intent of learning more about, and growing closer to, God… ____ (yeah, workin on that one)

After I’ve completed my checklist I seem to have missed the very most important point… Intentionality! If I do all of the things on the list and fail to remember that I am His, and I am living for Him, I am just another Pharisee who’s pride has removed the greatness of God from being spiritually disciplined.

If I had to try to pinpoint my biggest distraction to my spiritual disciplines, it would have to be pride. Pride, it can be so sneaky and can easily reverse my perfectly pure and humble intentions if I’m not careful. When I am doing “great” at pursuing Jesus, I become proud of “my” accomplishments and how much I have increased my learning and understanding of Him. Then I forget I am a sinner and I still need grace, every minute of every day. That is when pride sneaks in and knocks me back.

In the end, what have I learned, what have I struggled with, whom have I showed the love of Jesus to? Those are the things that I should begin to define the current state of my spiritual life, or spiritual health. It doesn’t have to be all the things that I have done, even though we know that it is important to be spiritually disciplined and express our faith through our actions. But actions lacking intention are sure to miss the mark (sin reference). The good news is that others can challenge us when our actions become aimless and unintentional. Living intentionally can't be easy for the average, easily distracted and prideful, American... but knowing how important intentionality is for our own spiritual health and our witness has to be half the battle.

Battle on!

My new verse for an undetermined period of time-
James 4:8

Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded

Where can I go?

"Where can I go from Your Spirit? Or where can I flee from Your presence?
If I ascend into heaven, You are there; If I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there.
If I take the wings of the morning, And dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
Even there Your hand shall lead me, And Your right hand shall hold me. "
- Psalms 139:7-10







This verse was brought to my attention a few weeks ago by a member of my Outdoor Pursuits staff while backpacking over fall break with 6 other students. Since then I cannot get this passage out of my head, not that I want to, but there is clearly power behind the words in this psalm that has really spoken to me during these busy and stressful times.

Had it not been for our backpacking trip, I probably would have lost all sanity before the end of the semester... and had it not been for Ally bringing this passage up for our Sunday morning devotional, I would probably still be frustrated with many of the uncertainties of life and all the work that I am putting in towards an undetermined goal. So for that I would like to give Ally due credit for a very appropriate, and compelling, devotional... one that I am still thinking about three weeks later.

Which brings me back to the title of this post... "Where can I go?" Where can I go to escape God's presence? Why would I want to go? And even if I don't want to escape God's presence, why am I so persistent to "ignore" or avoid God in all of his glory? For some reason I always feel like I we has humans have to make a conscious effort to escape God, when in all actuality we are simple minded and forgetful.

While the above questions are all great questions, ones which I have no great answer for, I almost do feel like we have to make a conscious effort to escape God. Accord to Psalm 139, we cannot escape... and while I never try to run from God, I hate how my undisciplined human nature will so easily take over and I simply forget those things most important to me. I have found that in reflecting on this passage for three weeks I have seen or experienced God in more ways than I had previously noticed... yet when I look back on it, I feel like it should have been obvious all along.

God is not just out there in creation waiting for us to discover Him, even though that is another incredible experience. We can constantly experience God in how we interact with others, God created us in His image and gave us the ability to feel joy, love, concern, etc... God is made up of all that is good, and he has also given us the ability to discern and hate evil. During our travel I was able to experience a lot of emotions, some of which were of frustration and impatience... But more than anything else, God was in our presence. There was an incredibly strong sense of community and participants opened up to each other almost immediately. There was genuine concern for others' well being, health, comfort, and so on... but there was more trust, joy, and love shared during the duration of our three days than other trip I had ever experienced.

When I started thinking about this I was challenged to look for other areas that we may experience God, or areas which we cannot escape His presence...

As I started to read through Psalms 139 more and more I realized that there is absolutely nothing we can do to "escape" God, intentional or not. He is constantly chasing us down as we get caught up in the business of life, everyday distractions, good choices and poor choices... He is there to lead us, and to hold us in the palm of his hand. When you know that God is there, or at least when I know God is there, it makes all of life's toughest decisions seem a lot less difficult. The hardest part is being reminded of that trust, so we can forget about worrying. (easy right?) I wish it was that easy, it's not... and just like everything else it takes discipline to remember how much God loves us, and how he is in constant pursuit of me.

Challenging myself to recognize areas where I can see (feel/sense/hear... whatevs you call it) has drastically changed the way I think about trust and faith. While I'm not certain what I'll be doing, or where I'll be going, after May, I have a pretty good feeling God will be there with me. I've also been challenged to look for God in human interaction, the way I treat people and the way others treat me. Service and love are both ways in which we challenge people to "experience" God around them... It's funny, but to me it sounds a lot like the idea of "paying it forward". The way you treat others can greatly influence how they will treat those they encounter. How we lead others will challenge them to lead others in a similar fashion (that is if they experienced positive growth).

In thinking about this idea of never being able to escape God I've challenged myself in how I go about my regular day. Instead of focusing on all the negatives of the day, I hope that "looking" for God will really humble me in spite of my busy schedule, and chances are it will be less likely that I will slip into my forgetful state.



Just thought I'd add a few photos from our trip to Big South Fork.

One of my favorite photos from the trip, campfire fun. That's Ben and I on the right eating all the left over chili we made, and Savannah on the left there getting hydrated for day 3!













Grant said we were lost.... I say he's a bit lost.
















I hate to admit it, but those hiking symbols are terribly accurate when it comes to actual technique. Who would have thought?

Oh how time flies... when you work all the time?

Now that I have found five minutes to look at a calendar, it's upsetting to begin wondering where all my time has gone... It is amazing to think about the last 5 weeks that have passed, it really was not that long ago. But at the same time feel like I've been locked in time, not moving anywhere, for at least 3 months... I hope that is not the case, because I really am looking forward to the end of this semester.

Now, back to it... Time to get back to the e-journal... sorry to anyone waiting for the pictures from the summer. I've continued to experience some technical difficulties. I hope to not keep anyone waiting much longer, but I have hardly found time to put these few thoughts on paper, so don't hold your breath.

This week's verse (I should probably say, "the verse for an undetermined period of time" just to be safe) has been in my thoughts and in my conversation for weeks... and I am just now acting on the conviction I felt three weeks ago after first discussing it during Bible study.

I Timothy 4:8-10

Physical exercise has some value, but spiritual exercise is much more important, for it promises a reward in both this life and the next.

This is true, and everyone should accept it. We work hard and suffer much in order that people will believe the truth, for our hope is in the living God, who is the Savior of all people, and particularly of those who believe.

How easy is it to neglect our physical needs, especially when we are busy? Why is it then that it is even easier to neglect our spiritual needs? I feel like I visit this topic time and time again. I don't make enough time, shouldn't making time be easy for a gracious and merciful God? So many questions, and yet the answers seem so simple. Why haven't I given God my best of everything, and not just the best of what I want to give- isn't he deserving?

Yes, he is more than deserving... and I still struggle with my own selfish human desires. Why can't I strive to give God my best, like I feel I do more often for work and for class? Outside of what Paul is saying in I Timothy, I believe I need God's help to love him. Are we as humans capable of loving anything unconditionally, even God himself? While I wish it were true, and with God's help I believe we can come very close. The fact of the matter is, we are incapable of loving as God loves...

That's what it comes down to I guess, disciplined love. Or at least a passionate pursuit of the Love that has been given us.

A friend, b_bOss recently reminded me via his "tweeter"
- "My favorite things in life are the most consistent ones".

I couldn't agree more, and I can't think of anything more consistent than the grace given to me for my imperfections and my shortcomings. People will let me down, and I hope I will not love them any less for it... I will continue to struggle with business and distractions, but I hope that I will love God more through it... Thank God, that he will not love me any less, and is deserving of my absolute best.

Good times, great people, lasting memories.... Summer Reflection 2010

Towards the end of the summer I've found it difficult to find the time, and desire sometimes, to sit down and put a couple of thoughts together about the summer. As they say, time flies when you are having fun... and it flies by even faster when you are having fun and save little time to think/relax.

There really is no way to sum up my summer in words, but I will still try my best. The experiences that I have had with the Seahorses during the last two summers is a great reminder to put God first in all the we do. Soccer was pretty much all I did for a good part of my life, it wasn't until high school that I wanted God to be a part of that. It hasn't always been easy... but over time, with God's help, it will.

So much has happened in the last month, I'm still recovering from a nagging injury acquired while playing against BYU in Utah, but I've managed to play in a few games since then and notching my first goal of my PDL career. We finished the season 5th in the region at 6-7-3. I missed a handful of games because I was not well prepared when I arrived, and then getting hit pretty hard in Utah would sideline me for 3 games or so. Had it been with any other organization, I would have struggled being injured and not on the field. However, with the seahorses there is so much more to our season than just soccer.

I was able to see God working in and around me and was encouraged to really seek God in my time "off". We continued as usual with our SMT time before practices, and our 4 weeks of youth camp didn't slow down for any injuries. The time spent doing bible study continued, and it included much encouragement for me and for others who weren't healthy enough to play. We were truly able to see lives changed, both in my teammates and with the young players that we coached.

At camps it was business as usual, like last year, with the return of Coach Mustache (Senior Bigote). We had some great campers, and we had some terrors, but they all left lasting impressions with all of the coaches there. There is nothing better than a job that requires you to act ten years younger than you are, especially when that's what you want to do most of the time anyways.

Mexico was incredible, as I said in my earlier blog it was incredibly encouraging just to be able to show who we are and what we believe by playing a game of soccer. It didn't matter that many of our players didn't speak Spanish, and others like myself didn't speak Spanish well, but still were able to communicate about things important to us. We met non believers, believers, youth pastors, former professionals, and non soccer players just by playing soccer and playing soccer well.

After season ended in the last week of July, I made my way back to Colorado where I have been for the last 10 days catching up with friends and family, and helping one friend find work here in the valley while she saves up for grad school. Fortunately I've been able to visit just about everyone who is around and find some time for myself. The time off has given me a chance to think back and reflect on where God has taken me, and only imagine where I'll be going to next. The truth is God has been good, and he has challenged me to keep on keeping on with what I love, but not without him and not without others.

A special thanks to all who supported me financially and through prayer this summer, it could not have been possible without your help!

Last thing, I've meant to put a link up to this website for a year... it was passed along to me by a friend and I was recently reminded about it when talking with him (even though he never brought it up). If you want to equip the saints with the tools they need, check out Bibles Unbound. They look to get copies of the New Testament to those who have no means to get them. http://www.biblesunboundmovie.com/

Verse for the week (or undetermined period of time):
Colossians 3:23
Whatever you do, work at it with all your hear as if working for the Lord, not for me.

Here are a few photos from my summer! Enjoy!
(My computer is being silly, I'll upload them ASAP)

Whatever it takes...

"God, bring me closer to You.... whatever it takes."

Francis Chan challenges his readers to ask God to bring them closer to him, whatever it takes.

This statement really hit home with me, I ask God to bring me closer to Him constantly... but do I truly mean that I want to be closer to Him no matter what it takes, no matter how uncomfortable that it could be, or no matter what I lose in the process. Until I recited these words, "whatever it takes", I don't believe I truly understood what I was asking God to do in my life.

It's scary to ask God to do whatever it takes to get your full attention, because there is no limit to what that might mean. Would I be more focused on my comfortable way of life, or would I let God get my attention by taking some of my comforts away? I don't know, I want to say that I would be open to God working in my life even if it meant being uncomfortable... but I don't know. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that God has to make us uncomfortable to get our attention. However, if there are more people out there like me (and I am sure there are), becoming comfortable with wear we are often distracts me from further pursuing God in my life. I don't necessarily want to be uncomfortable, but I want to be closer to Him... even if it means being uncomfortable.

I heard a friend of mine's band on the radio the other day, they recently released their new single, "You Can Have Me" by the Sidewalk Prophets. I never listened to the lyrics that closely but when I sat there listening... I realized it was talking about the exact same thing I had been thinking about.


The Lyrics-
If I saw You on the street
And You said come and follow me
But I had to give up everything
All I once held dear and all of my dreams
Would I love You enough to let go
Or would my love run dry
When You asked for my life

CHORUS:
When did love become unmoving?
When did love become unconsuming?
Forgetting what the world has told me
Father of love, You can have me
You can have me

Jesus wants all of me, not just bits and pieces... But am I willing to give up everything for Jesus if God asked me to... Or would I be okay if God took everything away to get my attention? Or as the song puts it, "Would I love Him enough to let go, or would my love run dry, when He asked for my life?"

I want to say that I am rooted enough in Christ that I could let go, I hope it never comes down to it... but when I ask God to draw me closer to Him, whatever it takes... I want to mean it.

God, bring me closer to You, whatever it takes.... Father of Love, you can have me.

Matthew 4:19
"Come, follow me," Jesus said, "and I will make you fishers of men."

Just a little update...

Sorry for the gap in any blog updates. The last few weeks have been crazy with a road trip to Utah and the beginning of our summer soccer camps. While I have been busy, my experience has been invaluable... even in my second season with the Seahorses.

As my last blog includes some information regarding our trip to Mexico, Don Godwin (the pastor of Hope Chapel) wrote a great summary of our six day trip in their Church's blog titled Seahorse Crazy. It is quite extensive, but if you have the time I greatly encourage clicking the provided link and checking out his summary of the week, accompanied by some great photos as well.

Simply being able to encourage the Godwin family was already incredibly rewarding, when you include all the relationships that were built and the opportunities that came up, the trip itself was simply unbelievable. All those who participated came back with a new perspective of being a Sports Minister, and how useful soccer can be to engage people and culture.

As far as the soccer goes, I've been fighting a few minor knocks... a couple of ankle sprains and the last week getting a nice big dead leg that spread over my entire thigh (I do not expect this to go away any time soon). Fortunately, I can still play... but some days it's a bit more of a struggle than others. Hopefully I'll be back to 100% here soon, we've got a few important games coming up against the Fresno Fuego.

As of now we stand 3-5-1. After starting out 2-0 this is not exactly where we had planned to be, but we can't go back to the 'what ifs' now. Time to work out our own kinks, do the little things right... no excuses, no explanations (Tony Dungy).

Our topic for SMT tonight was "Taming the Tongue"... It was a nice time to reflect over James 3, analyze the power of our words (not just our actions), and how we might take Salomon's advice a little bit more to heart... being quick to listen and slow to speak. It's crazy what words can do to a person. And from conversation your words are the hardest to tame because they are a true representation of the condition of your heart. However, we can gain self control over what we say. We don't always have to express the condition of our heart, and sometimes it would be best not to because someone may take offense to what we say... I believe that control only comes from giving God our best and our first, seeking after Him, and pursuing His love. This brings me to the verse of the week (or undetermined period of time):

Proverbs 15:4
The tongue that brings healing is a tree of life,
but a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit.

I know I have left a lot out, but time and sleep are hard to come by these days so I will hope to update again this weekend. Please keep praying for my time here in California as well as for those we met in Mexico.

Blessings,

Cyrus

PDL outreach to Rosarito Mexico.

Even though we made it back on Monday, it's taken me a week to get these photos uploaded onto my computer. I won't say too much about the trip, I'll let the photos do most of the talking.

Overall, there were 11 of us total who made the trip (with the addition of 2 others on the weekend). We partnered with a missionary family from Huntington Beach California, the Godwin family. Our role: play soccer. After a few of our games we would tell people about our ministry, have food, and invite them to events and game later that week. A few of the people we would play against we saw more than once.

The Godwin family and the associate pastor Carlos were very encouraged by how soccer simply allowed us to get places (like a local school) that they have been hoping to gain access to for quite some time.

While most of those of us who were able to go shared many of the same thoughts... we didn't think that we did anything spectacular on this trip, but we were encouraged to see how God used a game we love to help encourage the Godwin family and open new doors for them to share the good news.

There will be plenty more thoughts to come, but enjoy the photos for now.

View from behind the Church




Talking to the youth group about the Seahorses and about why I play soccer.




Hosting a clinic to the school in Vista Marina.




The kids at the Vista Marina school just before the Clinic started.




Getting ready for a game of "Shooter Keeper"




After our first game at Primo Tapia.




Playing in our second game at Primo Tapia.




Playing a game of "Head Catch" with the young ones while we waited to play on the court.




A group photo after our tournament on the "Cancha Rapida", we hosted an indoor tournament with Hope Chapel and had a great turn out. Afterwards Nate Wood was able to share his story.




We also played a game against the team the Godwin's sponsor. "Hope Chapel".




We played a game against some locals of Vista Marina on the big field as well.




Coach Todd using the "evangecube" to share the story of Jesus to the kids after a game of Head Catch.



This was my "room with a view" for the week. I decided to sleep outside after the firs night inside. It wasn't bad waking up to the ocean every morning.

The Profile of the Lukewarm

So we've been reading this book for our SMT discussions, Crazy Love by Francis Chan. While everything that Chan writes about is straight from the Bible, there is something about how he puts things that make his words so convicting.

The God of the universe, does not need us, yet He still loves us so much He continues to pursue us. The reverse is what we most commonly see. We need God, but often times we act like we don't want Him or that we don't really love Him, we just love his stuff.

"Even though we could die at any moment and generally think our puny lives are pretty sweet compared to loving Him, He persists in loving us with unending, outrageous love."
-Francis Chan, Crazy Love

In Chan's fourth chapter he gives various examples that would categorize different profiles of the "Lukewarm", or people who have become useless to God's cause through their actions and lack of conviction. The problem (or the answer) with the profiles that Chan presents, is I fall into just about everyone of them at some point or another. I struggle with some more than others, but I still know that I am guilty of just about everyone of them. Now I hope it is not just me, and I am pretty confident that I am not alone in this, but so many of us struggle to understand Christ's love before we are able to show it.

Is this because we are unable to fully understand unconditional love, or that our God would give us a gift of grace that we often times knowingly reject? Francis Chan starts our one of his chapters by saying just that... "Most of us, to some degree, have a difficult time understanding, believing, or accepting God's absolute unlimited love for us."

How could something so great, be so easily forgotten?

My best guess, and personal understanding, is that we relate our experiences with "love" (from friends, family, and even the love of ourselves), to God's love. We have trouble separating conditional, from unconditional.

Still, we know it... but we don't always act on it. Do we change our thoughts and actions, or do we keep on doing what we are doing without God. While I wish I could say that I love God so much that I am always aware of His love for me and that I live my life in accordance with His will and not my own, I cannot. Like so many others I have fallen into all of these categories of Lukewarmness. Here's Chan's short list of what many Christians do, believe, or think on a regular basis. Just a warning, it may hurt.

LUKEWARM people may still...
attend Church fairly regularly (it is what they believe a "good Christian" does)
give to charity and to church (as long as it doesn't impinge on their standard of living)

LUKEWARM people...
Tend to chose what is popular over what is right (they care more about what people think of their actions more than what God thinks)
Don't really want to be saved from their sin (they just want to be saved from the penalty of sin, is this new life really better than my old sinful one?)
Gauge their morality or "goodness" by comparing their lives to others' (being better person does not make you a Christian)
Only allow Jesus in a section of their time, money, and thoughts... He isn't allowed to control their lives.
Love God, but not with all their heart, soul, strength, and mind.
tend to focus their love on others who will "love" them in return.
Do whatever is necessary to keep them from feeling to guilty.
Probably drink and swear less (but other than that they aren't much different from most other unbelievers)

Basically, we are all guilty of a lot of these things... but a life characterized by a pursuits of God and not a flee from punishment is the kind of love God wants from us. I had a hard time reading this chapter without trying to justify why I fell into some of these categories, And i kept thinking, "No way am I LUKEWARM."

The reality is, as Francis Chan puts it, none of us are immune to these actions and thoughts. The difference is a life that is characterized by these actions versus someone who consciously struggles to correct these issues of lukewarmness. I hope that I am struggling.

This leads me to my verse of the week.
James 4:8
Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded.

Draw near to God, pursue Him wholeheartedly and you will realize how He is in constant pursuits of you.

What defines me?

Back at it... while I am enjoying being back into a regular training schedule with a solid group of guys, it's a lot harder getting back into shape then I ever remember. But, I've learned where I am at physically has changed over the last few months. My time spent climbing, and backpacking doesn't really prepare me to be physically fit for a soccer season (not that I thought I was preparing for soccer by climbing). However, with not being as prepared as I thought I had been, it has shown in my performance on the field.

With my performance being below expectations, I have this crazy notion that I can no longer lead if I am not playing to the best of my ability. Instead, I've been challenged to remember that I am not defined by how I perform on the field. What will really show my true colors is how I react to my performance both in words and in actions.

The easy part is knowing that I have some ground to make up for as a player... but the hard part was conitnuing to lead new players as a player and as a sports minister. I found myself struck by silence, I felt that because I was not playing well I couldn't say things that needed to be said. With the encouragement of a teammate and some reflection, I was able to talk to the team and aplogizie for my unpreparedness as well as challenege everybody to pick up the slack in their own lives and training.

While the season is still early, we have 11 games left to come out of this 3 game losing streak and make a playoff run. Something that hasn't happened in 5 years. Still, whatever the end of the season has for me I have re-learned a valuable lesson. My identity is not in how I play, but how I reflect Jesus in my response to how I play. It is not how I perform at work, but how I glorify God while I at work. It is not from doing good things, it is from being loved by a God who is deserving of all my love and oftentimes doesn't recieve it.

I recently read in a book by Francis Chan, Crazy Love, that the ironic thing about God is that He doesn't need us... yet He still loves us. The reverse is that we need Him, and often times we do not give Him the love He deserves. Sometimes it has to start with remembering to love ourselves in our imperfections because God loves us in our imperfections. Shouldn't that be enough reason to love God and live a life free from sin?

Verse of the week:
Galations 2:20
I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

Good 'ol Californ-i-a

As history will show I am not the best at updating my blog. With what feels like 3 months of my life has been lived in the last week and a half, I'll give myself a break on this one. For those who have supported me in my work this summer and want to keep tabs, forgive my lack of responses... I hope it won't happen again.

Starting a week ago from Thursday (8 days ago) I was still in the great state of Tennessee, since then I have driven through 10 different states, made a two day visit to Colorado, Listened to Tony Dungy's book Quiet Strength on CD... twice... moved into my summer California residence, got situated in the Seahorse office, made it to 3 days of training and played in our match this evening... No wonder it felt like 3 months

While I could go into details on a lot of these events, time is just now starting to catch up with me and hopefully I won't find myself nearly as busy to where I can't make a weekly post, if not more regular than that.

The most recent event, our road game against Ventura County Fusion, was a lesson in itself. I found myself back in the action, exactly where I left off from last season. Unfortunately, my season ended last summer with a Concussion on the same field with a run in with the keeper... I had almost wished I had been knocked out this game. We lost 3-0, and I can't say I was pleased with my performance. We'll just say I had a lot more kinks to work out than I thought, and I took home quite a few lessons from this game.

Coach had enough confidence to start me at left back, which I thought may happen because I had a decent week of practice... but I still wouldn't bet my house on it, or my lunch money. The team seems to be a lot different from last year, we appear stronger in some areas and may need to focus more on different areas from last year. Either way, today was not only a bad day for myself... it didn't seem to be anyone's day in general. The performance overall was tough to watch I am sure, but hopefully we can put this one behind us and look forward to our Sunday game against the O.C. Blue Stars.

It's always hard accepting not playing (or performing) to your potential... and not only in soccer, but in other aspects of life. I don't believe anything in life is guaranteed, and that often times the best things in life require a lot of work. I was definitely reminded how much more work other players have been putting into their soccer than myself. I was also reminded of a few things Coach Dungy said in his book, which I listened to twice on my way to Colorado and California. First, I have to take this loss just like any other loss, learn from it and move past it. Second, I can't blame anyone team member, the officials, or even myself for our loss (no excuses, no explanations). And lastly, if I want to get back to where I want to be as a soccer player, I need to start doing the easy things (simple things) better than anyone else... and that my friends, is where I am going to start- the basics.

Hopefully the overall attitude of the team recognizes the areas in which we need to change, but also understands that we have to cut our loss and move on to Sunday's game and try it again, but this time doing the simple things more consistently and with more energy.

That's it for now. Hope to update you all soon about my job duties and other cool things happening in the Seahorse office.

Blessings,

Cyrus

Count your blessings...

"Count Your Blessings"
The words I found on a mud-covered sign at the first home we had worked at while helping flood victims here in Nashville. The sign seemed to have been left hanging for a reason. As home owners threw out nearly all of their possessions and gutted the inside of the first floor to just rafters and wires, this sign was still displayed on the front gate right inside the carport.

The whole time we were helping these people, I couldn't keep from thinking how terrible the whole ordeal must have been. So many families have lost hundreds of thousands, possibly millions, of dollars in possessions... countless items of sentimental value... and some lost family members... Even in spite of all these losses, the overall attitude did not seem to be beyond hope, despairing, or even portray the slightest bit of "oh poor me". The general attitude truly seemed to be- "Count Your Blessings".

The volunteer efforts from the Nashville community has been incredible, and those affected by the flood have noticed... and they've taken this whole ordeal as an opportunity to focus on the love and generosity that complete strangers have shown to them. For some unknown reason these people know that they have lost a lot, if not everything, and they show confidence that they will recover from this. The countless volunteers that have gone into affected communities has helped, but in the end the Nashville flood victims have shown much more livelihood than I could ever imagine anyone could even "put on" in their position.

Cheers to you Nashville, thanks for the simple reminder to keep counting my blessings...

Verse of the week-

II Peter 1:3,4

His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature and escape the corruption in the world caused by evil desires.

Gracious Uncertainty

My Utmost for His Highest- April 29
Gracious Uncertainty.

"... To be certain of God means that we are uncertain in all our ways, not knowing what tomorrow may bring... We are uncertain of the next step, but we are certain of God. As soon as we abandon ourselves to God and do the tasks He has placed closest to us, He begins to fill our lives with surprises."

Can we really only be certain of one thing, God? All other aspects of life are subject to change at any given moment, conducted or orchestrated by God himself? Is this one way we perceive faith? It's hard for me to believe that in actively seeking God we are less certain, and at the same time I feel like I know exactly what Oswald Chambers is talking about. While I believe the usual routine is to look for God in our uncertainty, trusting that God is in control allows us to accept the uncertainty and even turns it into contentment or excitement.

In my personal experience I am not upset by uncertainty, but I cling tightly to the things that I am certain about (even in during my spiritual lows). I am certain that God is a God of love, I am certain that He continually has my best interest in mind (even in the toughest situations), I am certain that my God has a plan for me (even if I don't know what it looks like), I am certain that I will mistakes (and hopefully learn from them, I am most certain that I will never truly know what happens next.

Is it my certainty of what is uncertain, or of what is certain, that truly keeps me sane? I do not know, but I am comforted in knowing that I am certain of God and God's love for me, and I am certain that he is in control and not me. To me it sounds like a great recipe for some "safe" uncertainty.

I John 3:2

Dear friends, now we are children of God, and what we will be has not yet been made known. But we know that when he appears, we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is.

This has brought me to an understanding that certainty is only found through faith in God, and even though there are things we can be certain of... we will never truly know God's plan for us until he has mightily worked through us. Living a life in "uncertainty" really challenges one to trust God, building on their faith. Many of the things that we know to be true and only true by faith....

So what can I do with my uncertainty? Draw as close to God as possible, and he will draw near to me... giving me comfort in my uncertainty and possibly some clarity.

The first day to the rest of my life...

November 23rd... 5 months ago. That was when I posted my last blog stating that I would blog regularly. Sorry to disappoint, but I've failed miserably at the attempt to stay current with my e-journal.

So here is round two, the first day of the rest of my life. Unfortunately I sit here behind my computer in a mixed emotional state trying to figure out what this "first day to the rest of my life" even means. Certainly the life changing events as of late have something to do with the first day to the rest of my life.... but the personal reflection has left me in a state of uncertainty, and I don't think I like what I've come to find.

It's never easy to look at the Man in the Mirror (Thanks MJ for such a great song), but really it is the only source of change that we can have a great influence over. I've come to realize that my first year of grad school has left me with a few things for my man in the mirror to deal with. Time, relationship, faith, future... you name it... I feel like I've been able to throw a wrench in to just about every aspect of life I can think of over the last 8 months. And this current state is not somewhere I enjoy being, and more importantly it is not somewhere I wish to remain...

So that is why I have titled this little cluster of thoughts and emotions "The first day to the rest of my life..."

Today's devotional from My Utmost for His Highest, Oswald Chambers writes:

My vision of God is dependent upon the condition of my character. My character determines whether or not truth can even be revealed to me. Before I can say, "I saw the Lord," there must be something in my character that conforms to the likeness of God. Until I am born again and really begin to see the kingdom of God, I only see from the perspective of my own biases. What I need is God's surgical procedure -- His use of external circumstances to bring about internal purification

Your Priorities must be God first, God second, and God third, until your life is continually face to face with God and no one else is taken into account whatsoever. Your prayer will then be, "In all the world there is no one but You, dear God; there is no one but You."

Keep paying the price. Let God see that you are willing to live up to the vision.
-My Utmost For His Highest, Oswald Chambers, July 13-


I don't feel that this could describe my current situation any better... While busyness has gotten me mixed up in my priorities, I have recognized areas of my life that need quick attention.

I wish this e-journal acted more as a solution to broken relationships, character flaws, and spiritual discipline than just an opportunity for me to gather my thoughts. Unfortunately it is not a solution, but it can be part of the process.

I know now that I've become to busy with work (at school, coaching with two different teams, and a few hours at the YMCA), class, training for the upcoming soccer season, and managing important relationships. In all of this I have completely failed place God first... let alone God second, or God third. After a lot of lost sleep and long days I have begun to realize that the only possible way to come remotely close to succeeding in my busy schedule is to be devoted to my spiritual health first.

Without God first I have been unable to identify what is actually important in my busy schedule. I pray that I hadn't completely lost sight of others and focused solely on myself, yet I fear that I managed to hurt a few people on the road to my realization. Which brings me to my verse for the week.

Luke 9:23-25 Jesus said, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it. What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit his very self?"

What now? Probably a lot of prayer and some more reflection... either way it's time to move on with the rest of my life. I can only trust where He takes me next.