To be, or not to be... Intentional

I grabbed a book off my bookshelf before I left for Thanksgiving break, The Life You’ve Always Wanted by John Ortberg, I’ve had this book for years but have never made it past chapter one (may not have gotten past page one). Even though it was given to me by my friends in University Ministries I have always looked at the title and couldn’t help thinking that this was totally going to be a “self help” book, and would continue putting it aside for when my “self” needed a little more “help”.

What is that saying… “Never judge a ‘self help’ book on spiritual disciplines by its cover”? I think that’s it.

While I’ve had every intention of getting through all of the books given to me by respected friends, I’ve had this one for nearly four years. I wouldn’t even necessarily say that I’m in the “self help” mindset, I just so happened to have lent another book I was reading to friend who I thought might be inspired by it, and now I was stuck with a short break from school, and no book. Time for a little dose of “self help” I guess…

Regardless of the reasons causing me to start this book, I’ve been challenged to think about some of the early points that this book has presented. Specifically, the one that caught my attention the most, how is my spiritual health or how would I describe my spiritual life?

What defines our spiritual life? When someone asks, “How is your spiritual life?” what is the first thing that you think? Is it a list of acts or spiritual disciplines that we have or have not done recently? Maybe we just regurgitate something that we had recently read in a book, or even the Bible… but do these phrases, actions, or even inactions, truly describe the state of my spiritual life?

If you aren’t sure what actions I am referring to, let me offer a brief list: quite time, reading the Bible daily, going to church, skipping church, journaling (daily, weekly, or however often), praying… these are all things that I should do if I want to be closer to Jesus, but by saying that I do these things can I truly describe how my spiritual life is doing? Don’t get me wrong, all of these are important spiritual disciplines, but I have found that I can do all of these things and still lose sight of God. When my heart is not behind each action, I just begin to walk through the motions, hoping that these things I do will tell everyone else that I am spiritually on my game.

My most recent understanding of my spiritual life looks something like this: Instead of showing everyone how big my spiritual-daily-to-do-list is, and flexing my spiritual biceps (and essentially feeding my spiritual ego)… it is the way I interact with others, what I’ve learned from trying to complete that lengthy to-do list, or even things that I currently struggle with, that should best represent my spiritual life… If anyone is like me, we easily look past the purpose of what we are doing, and begin to just do it… That’s when these ever so important spiritual disciplines turn into a checklist.

Read my bible… check.

Prayed… check.

Prayed longer than yesterday… check!

Journaled… check.

Went to church… check.

Fellowship with both believers and non-believers… check.

Did all of this with the intent of learning more about, and growing closer to, God… ____ (yeah, workin on that one)

After I’ve completed my checklist I seem to have missed the very most important point… Intentionality! If I do all of the things on the list and fail to remember that I am His, and I am living for Him, I am just another Pharisee who’s pride has removed the greatness of God from being spiritually disciplined.

If I had to try to pinpoint my biggest distraction to my spiritual disciplines, it would have to be pride. Pride, it can be so sneaky and can easily reverse my perfectly pure and humble intentions if I’m not careful. When I am doing “great” at pursuing Jesus, I become proud of “my” accomplishments and how much I have increased my learning and understanding of Him. Then I forget I am a sinner and I still need grace, every minute of every day. That is when pride sneaks in and knocks me back.

In the end, what have I learned, what have I struggled with, whom have I showed the love of Jesus to? Those are the things that I should begin to define the current state of my spiritual life, or spiritual health. It doesn’t have to be all the things that I have done, even though we know that it is important to be spiritually disciplined and express our faith through our actions. But actions lacking intention are sure to miss the mark (sin reference). The good news is that others can challenge us when our actions become aimless and unintentional. Living intentionally can't be easy for the average, easily distracted and prideful, American... but knowing how important intentionality is for our own spiritual health and our witness has to be half the battle.

Battle on!

My new verse for an undetermined period of time-
James 4:8

Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded

Where can I go?

"Where can I go from Your Spirit? Or where can I flee from Your presence?
If I ascend into heaven, You are there; If I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there.
If I take the wings of the morning, And dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
Even there Your hand shall lead me, And Your right hand shall hold me. "
- Psalms 139:7-10







This verse was brought to my attention a few weeks ago by a member of my Outdoor Pursuits staff while backpacking over fall break with 6 other students. Since then I cannot get this passage out of my head, not that I want to, but there is clearly power behind the words in this psalm that has really spoken to me during these busy and stressful times.

Had it not been for our backpacking trip, I probably would have lost all sanity before the end of the semester... and had it not been for Ally bringing this passage up for our Sunday morning devotional, I would probably still be frustrated with many of the uncertainties of life and all the work that I am putting in towards an undetermined goal. So for that I would like to give Ally due credit for a very appropriate, and compelling, devotional... one that I am still thinking about three weeks later.

Which brings me back to the title of this post... "Where can I go?" Where can I go to escape God's presence? Why would I want to go? And even if I don't want to escape God's presence, why am I so persistent to "ignore" or avoid God in all of his glory? For some reason I always feel like I we has humans have to make a conscious effort to escape God, when in all actuality we are simple minded and forgetful.

While the above questions are all great questions, ones which I have no great answer for, I almost do feel like we have to make a conscious effort to escape God. Accord to Psalm 139, we cannot escape... and while I never try to run from God, I hate how my undisciplined human nature will so easily take over and I simply forget those things most important to me. I have found that in reflecting on this passage for three weeks I have seen or experienced God in more ways than I had previously noticed... yet when I look back on it, I feel like it should have been obvious all along.

God is not just out there in creation waiting for us to discover Him, even though that is another incredible experience. We can constantly experience God in how we interact with others, God created us in His image and gave us the ability to feel joy, love, concern, etc... God is made up of all that is good, and he has also given us the ability to discern and hate evil. During our travel I was able to experience a lot of emotions, some of which were of frustration and impatience... But more than anything else, God was in our presence. There was an incredibly strong sense of community and participants opened up to each other almost immediately. There was genuine concern for others' well being, health, comfort, and so on... but there was more trust, joy, and love shared during the duration of our three days than other trip I had ever experienced.

When I started thinking about this I was challenged to look for other areas that we may experience God, or areas which we cannot escape His presence...

As I started to read through Psalms 139 more and more I realized that there is absolutely nothing we can do to "escape" God, intentional or not. He is constantly chasing us down as we get caught up in the business of life, everyday distractions, good choices and poor choices... He is there to lead us, and to hold us in the palm of his hand. When you know that God is there, or at least when I know God is there, it makes all of life's toughest decisions seem a lot less difficult. The hardest part is being reminded of that trust, so we can forget about worrying. (easy right?) I wish it was that easy, it's not... and just like everything else it takes discipline to remember how much God loves us, and how he is in constant pursuit of me.

Challenging myself to recognize areas where I can see (feel/sense/hear... whatevs you call it) has drastically changed the way I think about trust and faith. While I'm not certain what I'll be doing, or where I'll be going, after May, I have a pretty good feeling God will be there with me. I've also been challenged to look for God in human interaction, the way I treat people and the way others treat me. Service and love are both ways in which we challenge people to "experience" God around them... It's funny, but to me it sounds a lot like the idea of "paying it forward". The way you treat others can greatly influence how they will treat those they encounter. How we lead others will challenge them to lead others in a similar fashion (that is if they experienced positive growth).

In thinking about this idea of never being able to escape God I've challenged myself in how I go about my regular day. Instead of focusing on all the negatives of the day, I hope that "looking" for God will really humble me in spite of my busy schedule, and chances are it will be less likely that I will slip into my forgetful state.



Just thought I'd add a few photos from our trip to Big South Fork.

One of my favorite photos from the trip, campfire fun. That's Ben and I on the right eating all the left over chili we made, and Savannah on the left there getting hydrated for day 3!













Grant said we were lost.... I say he's a bit lost.
















I hate to admit it, but those hiking symbols are terribly accurate when it comes to actual technique. Who would have thought?