My Utmost for His Highest- April 29
Gracious Uncertainty.
"... To be certain of God means that we are uncertain in all our ways, not knowing what tomorrow may bring... We are uncertain of the next step, but we are certain of God. As soon as we abandon ourselves to God and do the tasks He has placed closest to us, He begins to fill our lives with surprises."
Can we really only be certain of one thing, God? All other aspects of life are subject to change at any given moment, conducted or orchestrated by God himself? Is this one way we perceive faith? It's hard for me to believe that in actively seeking God we are less certain, and at the same time I feel like I know exactly what Oswald Chambers is talking about. While I believe the usual routine is to look for God in our uncertainty, trusting that God is in control allows us to accept the uncertainty and even turns it into contentment or excitement.
In my personal experience I am not upset by uncertainty, but I cling tightly to the things that I am certain about (even in during my spiritual lows). I am certain that God is a God of love, I am certain that He continually has my best interest in mind (even in the toughest situations), I am certain that my God has a plan for me (even if I don't know what it looks like), I am certain that I will mistakes (and hopefully learn from them, I am most certain that I will never truly know what happens next.
Is it my certainty of what is uncertain, or of what is certain, that truly keeps me sane? I do not know, but I am comforted in knowing that I am certain of God and God's love for me, and I am certain that he is in control and not me. To me it sounds like a great recipe for some "safe" uncertainty.
I John 3:2
Dear friends, now we are children of God, and what we will be has not yet been made known. But we know that when he appears, we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is.
This has brought me to an understanding that certainty is only found through faith in God, and even though there are things we can be certain of... we will never truly know God's plan for us until he has mightily worked through us. Living a life in "uncertainty" really challenges one to trust God, building on their faith. Many of the things that we know to be true and only true by faith....
So what can I do with my uncertainty? Draw as close to God as possible, and he will draw near to me... giving me comfort in my uncertainty and possibly some clarity.
Friday, April 30, 2010
Sunday, April 25, 2010
The first day to the rest of my life...
November 23rd... 5 months ago. That was when I posted my last blog stating that I would blog regularly. Sorry to disappoint, but I've failed miserably at the attempt to stay current with my e-journal.
So here is round two, the first day of the rest of my life. Unfortunately I sit here behind my computer in a mixed emotional state trying to figure out what this "first day to the rest of my life" even means. Certainly the life changing events as of late have something to do with the first day to the rest of my life.... but the personal reflection has left me in a state of uncertainty, and I don't think I like what I've come to find.
It's never easy to look at the Man in the Mirror (Thanks MJ for such a great song), but really it is the only source of change that we can have a great influence over. I've come to realize that my first year of grad school has left me with a few things for my man in the mirror to deal with. Time, relationship, faith, future... you name it... I feel like I've been able to throw a wrench in to just about every aspect of life I can think of over the last 8 months. And this current state is not somewhere I enjoy being, and more importantly it is not somewhere I wish to remain...
So that is why I have titled this little cluster of thoughts and emotions "The first day to the rest of my life..."
Today's devotional from My Utmost for His Highest, Oswald Chambers writes:
My vision of God is dependent upon the condition of my character. My character determines whether or not truth can even be revealed to me. Before I can say, "I saw the Lord," there must be something in my character that conforms to the likeness of God. Until I am born again and really begin to see the kingdom of God, I only see from the perspective of my own biases. What I need is God's surgical procedure -- His use of external circumstances to bring about internal purification
Your Priorities must be God first, God second, and God third, until your life is continually face to face with God and no one else is taken into account whatsoever. Your prayer will then be, "In all the world there is no one but You, dear God; there is no one but You."
Keep paying the price. Let God see that you are willing to live up to the vision.
-My Utmost For His Highest, Oswald Chambers, July 13-
I don't feel that this could describe my current situation any better... While busyness has gotten me mixed up in my priorities, I have recognized areas of my life that need quick attention.
I wish this e-journal acted more as a solution to broken relationships, character flaws, and spiritual discipline than just an opportunity for me to gather my thoughts. Unfortunately it is not a solution, but it can be part of the process.
I know now that I've become to busy with work (at school, coaching with two different teams, and a few hours at the YMCA), class, training for the upcoming soccer season, and managing important relationships. In all of this I have completely failed place God first... let alone God second, or God third. After a lot of lost sleep and long days I have begun to realize that the only possible way to come remotely close to succeeding in my busy schedule is to be devoted to my spiritual health first.
Without God first I have been unable to identify what is actually important in my busy schedule. I pray that I hadn't completely lost sight of others and focused solely on myself, yet I fear that I managed to hurt a few people on the road to my realization. Which brings me to my verse for the week.
Luke 9:23-25 Jesus said, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it. What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit his very self?"
What now? Probably a lot of prayer and some more reflection... either way it's time to move on with the rest of my life. I can only trust where He takes me next.
So here is round two, the first day of the rest of my life. Unfortunately I sit here behind my computer in a mixed emotional state trying to figure out what this "first day to the rest of my life" even means. Certainly the life changing events as of late have something to do with the first day to the rest of my life.... but the personal reflection has left me in a state of uncertainty, and I don't think I like what I've come to find.
It's never easy to look at the Man in the Mirror (Thanks MJ for such a great song), but really it is the only source of change that we can have a great influence over. I've come to realize that my first year of grad school has left me with a few things for my man in the mirror to deal with. Time, relationship, faith, future... you name it... I feel like I've been able to throw a wrench in to just about every aspect of life I can think of over the last 8 months. And this current state is not somewhere I enjoy being, and more importantly it is not somewhere I wish to remain...
So that is why I have titled this little cluster of thoughts and emotions "The first day to the rest of my life..."
Today's devotional from My Utmost for His Highest, Oswald Chambers writes:
My vision of God is dependent upon the condition of my character. My character determines whether or not truth can even be revealed to me. Before I can say, "I saw the Lord," there must be something in my character that conforms to the likeness of God. Until I am born again and really begin to see the kingdom of God, I only see from the perspective of my own biases. What I need is God's surgical procedure -- His use of external circumstances to bring about internal purification
Your Priorities must be God first, God second, and God third, until your life is continually face to face with God and no one else is taken into account whatsoever. Your prayer will then be, "In all the world there is no one but You, dear God; there is no one but You."
Keep paying the price. Let God see that you are willing to live up to the vision.
-My Utmost For His Highest, Oswald Chambers, July 13-
I don't feel that this could describe my current situation any better... While busyness has gotten me mixed up in my priorities, I have recognized areas of my life that need quick attention.
I wish this e-journal acted more as a solution to broken relationships, character flaws, and spiritual discipline than just an opportunity for me to gather my thoughts. Unfortunately it is not a solution, but it can be part of the process.
I know now that I've become to busy with work (at school, coaching with two different teams, and a few hours at the YMCA), class, training for the upcoming soccer season, and managing important relationships. In all of this I have completely failed place God first... let alone God second, or God third. After a lot of lost sleep and long days I have begun to realize that the only possible way to come remotely close to succeeding in my busy schedule is to be devoted to my spiritual health first.
Without God first I have been unable to identify what is actually important in my busy schedule. I pray that I hadn't completely lost sight of others and focused solely on myself, yet I fear that I managed to hurt a few people on the road to my realization. Which brings me to my verse for the week.
Luke 9:23-25 Jesus said, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it. What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit his very self?"
What now? Probably a lot of prayer and some more reflection... either way it's time to move on with the rest of my life. I can only trust where He takes me next.
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