The first day to the rest of my life...

November 23rd... 5 months ago. That was when I posted my last blog stating that I would blog regularly. Sorry to disappoint, but I've failed miserably at the attempt to stay current with my e-journal.

So here is round two, the first day of the rest of my life. Unfortunately I sit here behind my computer in a mixed emotional state trying to figure out what this "first day to the rest of my life" even means. Certainly the life changing events as of late have something to do with the first day to the rest of my life.... but the personal reflection has left me in a state of uncertainty, and I don't think I like what I've come to find.

It's never easy to look at the Man in the Mirror (Thanks MJ for such a great song), but really it is the only source of change that we can have a great influence over. I've come to realize that my first year of grad school has left me with a few things for my man in the mirror to deal with. Time, relationship, faith, future... you name it... I feel like I've been able to throw a wrench in to just about every aspect of life I can think of over the last 8 months. And this current state is not somewhere I enjoy being, and more importantly it is not somewhere I wish to remain...

So that is why I have titled this little cluster of thoughts and emotions "The first day to the rest of my life..."

Today's devotional from My Utmost for His Highest, Oswald Chambers writes:

My vision of God is dependent upon the condition of my character. My character determines whether or not truth can even be revealed to me. Before I can say, "I saw the Lord," there must be something in my character that conforms to the likeness of God. Until I am born again and really begin to see the kingdom of God, I only see from the perspective of my own biases. What I need is God's surgical procedure -- His use of external circumstances to bring about internal purification

Your Priorities must be God first, God second, and God third, until your life is continually face to face with God and no one else is taken into account whatsoever. Your prayer will then be, "In all the world there is no one but You, dear God; there is no one but You."

Keep paying the price. Let God see that you are willing to live up to the vision.
-My Utmost For His Highest, Oswald Chambers, July 13-


I don't feel that this could describe my current situation any better... While busyness has gotten me mixed up in my priorities, I have recognized areas of my life that need quick attention.

I wish this e-journal acted more as a solution to broken relationships, character flaws, and spiritual discipline than just an opportunity for me to gather my thoughts. Unfortunately it is not a solution, but it can be part of the process.

I know now that I've become to busy with work (at school, coaching with two different teams, and a few hours at the YMCA), class, training for the upcoming soccer season, and managing important relationships. In all of this I have completely failed place God first... let alone God second, or God third. After a lot of lost sleep and long days I have begun to realize that the only possible way to come remotely close to succeeding in my busy schedule is to be devoted to my spiritual health first.

Without God first I have been unable to identify what is actually important in my busy schedule. I pray that I hadn't completely lost sight of others and focused solely on myself, yet I fear that I managed to hurt a few people on the road to my realization. Which brings me to my verse for the week.

Luke 9:23-25 Jesus said, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it. What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit his very self?"

What now? Probably a lot of prayer and some more reflection... either way it's time to move on with the rest of my life. I can only trust where He takes me next.